So if you’re reading any articles on this website, I’m going to assume that you are a film fan. What degree of a film fan you are, I don’t know. You could spend every hour possible watching films, discussing them, or reading reviews about them. You could be really picky about what you watch. You could let the critics or overly hyped awards dictate what you watch. Or you could just watch whatever the hell you want and to hell with what others say. But you still read the occasional review. So why not a trailer review?
Now, I know what you’re thinking: why are you reviewing a trailer rather than the movie itself? Isn’t judging a movie by its trailer the equivalent of judging a book by its cover? Well, to answer the latter question, no, it’s not. A trailer is meant to make you want to go to the theater to see the full film. And as for the first question, let’s be honest here.
Movie tickets are not getting any cheaper. Yes, there are $5 Tuesdays but that’s only if you’re free that day. Yes, I can get a discount for evening shows, but that is still more than $5. And who can watch a show without snacks? Don’t even get me started on the price of movie popcorn (which is the best popcorn hands-down; how could you even watch a movie without movie theater popcorn?).
So, since I’m on a budget and don’t have as much time as I would want to go to theaters, lately I’ve had to become super picky about what I go to a theater for. Marvel movies are a no-brainer. I’m clearing my morning the Saturday after it has been released to go see it (don’t judge me; it’s cheaper and less crowded). Hence the super judgy eyes with which I watch trailers.
So here’s my analysis: The most recent trailer for Sophia Takal’s Black Christmas remake begins with a college campus where they seem to have wild frat parties, and for some reason, these poor college girls can’t afford full Santa outfits. Maybe they could only afford one and had to share the fabric? I don’t know. Anyway, we have college kids who are partying way harder than my adult friends and I have time for these days, so I immediately feel disconnected from the characters.
Then we have the maybe-supposed-to-be plain girl who just doesn’t fit into this crowd. Okay, her, I can relate to. But then she’s attacked and goes missing and her friend wants to find her. This could be interesting and frustrating, as we see adults who are just brushing it off and are not worried in the slightest about this missing girl. (I bet they’ll miss her when her next tuition bill doesn’t get paid.)
Next, her friends who are looking for her get threatening texts. Even more promising! Is there some creepy guy stalking these college kids? Cue spooky holiday music. I could get behind this…
And then comes the clip that killed the movie for me at about 2 minutes into the trailer: we see Cary Elwes, the professor, as a bad guy connected somehow to the frat house that we saw at the beginning of the trailer.
Wait a second. Did you just show me the whole movie in two and a half minutes? Shouldn’t the evil professor/frat house reveal been the hidden twist that made me gasp in the theater?
Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe there will be another twist or something more exciting in the movie itself. But I’m not going to take the time and money to see this in theaters to be proved wrong. If you go see it and it’s any good, let me know. Maybe I’ll borrow it for free from my local library when it is released.
